As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never underestimate the power of titties
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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