I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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