it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
