he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
