Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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