Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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