i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
