My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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