Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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