I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
