i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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