Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
