she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
barbara walters just said penis...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
