whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
