Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize