Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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