A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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