i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
