This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
