there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
