My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
