it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
