I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
