I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it penis luge time yet?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
