My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
