when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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