so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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