dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
