ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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