Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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