halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
