2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
