i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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