You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
