I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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