We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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