i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
