This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
