Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
