the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
