I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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