They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
