this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
