i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
