I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize