I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
