There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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