i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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