Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
