Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
