I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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