Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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