you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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