Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
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