Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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