:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
