Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
