I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
