the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
