i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
