dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
