I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
