you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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