Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
