I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
