You just made me feel so damn special
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
