I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
