Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
