Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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