i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
