i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
