i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
