I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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