I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
